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Monday, May 23, 2011

We Are Blessed

I had occasion to go through Vilonia, AR today on my way to Conway for an appointment.  I have prayed many prayers for many days for the people there since we had that devastating April storm.  Although I hate to admit it, I have been wanting to see exactly how much destruction that tornado did in that unfortunate tiny town.

As embarrassing as it is to say this, the base, animal side of me wanted to be able to ooh and ahh over how much I figured I would see.  Kind of like when you pass a wreck and your head involuntarily jerks to the side just as you're going by.  It's as if some force takes over you and you have no control of which way your head goes.  You're mind says 'no,' but your body says 'I'm gonna.'  It's human nature.  I wonder why that is......That's for another day, though.

I had heard that the grocery store was gone.  I had heard that the town was unrecognizable.  I had heard that you couldn't even tell that there used to be a Sonic.  I was on the lookout for certain landmarks  to be gone that I use each time I go through Vilonia.  I wondered if the T-shirt shop would still be there.  I drove with anticipation and growing......something.....dread?.....excitement?  Boy, did I feel guilty.

But what I found as I slowly drove through (more slowly than usual--I didn't want to miss anything) was that there was more of Vilonia still in tact than there was destroyed.  But wait!  I thought Harp's was supposed to be gone.  I saw the Sonic looking as bright and red and yellow as ever.  There was the gas station and the T-shirt shop....

And you know, as it slowly dawned on me that all that I had heard was not what was true, I felt a sense of gratitude that somehow at least some of the tiny town of Vilonia was spared from that horrible night in April.  It was a welcome relief, actually.  I had no idea I would react that way, but as I continued driving through I thanked God for sparing all the people and places and things that were spared.  I really was thankful that so many more people survived than died, and so much more property was still standing than what was destroyed.

I prayed again for the people of Vilonia.  They need all the prayers and help they can get.  I thanked God for all the blessings in my life.  ALL of them, even the ones I don't see right now as blessings.  You know, the ones I currently see as thorns in my side.  I'm reminded of that song that goes..."Jesus bring the rain..." if that's what it takes to bring the blessings in this life.  I may have the lyrics wrong, but you get the gist.

We are all truly blessed by the Lord.  Driving through Vilonia today reminded me of just how much.

Monday, May 9, 2011

...on Motherhood

 Here are some of my thoughts on motherhood.

I think God gave women the greatest gift in the world when He gave us the ability to bear children and raise and nurture them.  I don’t want to diminish fathers by any stretch, but how awesome is it to carry a miraculous creation like a baby in your belly for nine months??!

I also think that God gives each child especially as a gift to his or her parents from Him.  I know that might sound weird to some, but I don’t believe that things happen by accident.  God sees you and the love you have to give, and decides that the soul of a child needs to be in your care.  I think that is incredibly wonderful.  He may not give you a child WHEN you want, or HOW you want, but He does what He knows is best in His time and for his purpose.

As a mother, I know that Iwill never be able to explain the love I have for my child.  It comes from above, and is a special bond that I will share with her for the rest of my life.  If I take care of that love, nurture it, grow it, play with it, I will have a lifetime enjoying my miraculous journey of motherhood.

Sometimes it's frustrating.  Most times it's awesome.  And as time goes by, it gets better and better.  I know there will be times when I don’t know what to do, and will have to rely on instinct and trial to find solutions to whatever problems arise in her life.  And there will be other times when the only thing that will help my baby out of a rough spot is one of my hugs that she will know her whole life come unconditionally, simply because I am her mother.
 I am so thankful to God for having the faith in me as a mother to charge me with bringing my daughter into this world and caring for her.  It is such an awesome responsibility and I take it very seriously.  I know I will never be a perfect mother, but I will always try my best to lead my daughter by example in character, and to make God the cornerstone in her life.  I believe that if I can successfully do that, and I can teach her to be independent, self-sufficient and self-respecting, then I will have done a mother's job. 

Loving God and loving yourself can only bring peace and contentment.  It's a lot easier said than done, but if we work on it daily, it is doable.  I once heard a quote, "I don't need easy, I just need possible."  Such an  insightful thing to say.  And so true for all of us mothers.

Friday, May 6, 2011

"The years teach much which the days never knew." - Emerson

"The years teach much which the days never knew." - Emerson

Wow.  What a powerful statement.  If I stop and think about it long enough, I can always find something I could do better, faster, more efficiently, with more care, more thoughtfully or with more depth.  Not a day goes by that I don't think, "Man, I should've done this today.  Why didn't I?" or "Oh, no, I shouldn't have said that." I'm sure to some extent everyone is like that.  The old "shoulda, woulda, coulda" statement when we feel like we weren't "enough" on a particular day.

I have spent literally YEARS beating myself up over what I COULD have done, or SHOULD have done, or SHOULDN'T have done.  But the fact remains that yesterday is yesterday, and today is today.  And tomorrow isn't here yet.  So why?  Why do I do this to myself, as I am sure millions of other other women do, too?

As I get older and (hopefully) a little wiser, I begin to realize that what has taken place in my life is what the quote from Emerson says; that if you take all the daily mishaps and mistakes, happenings and life lessons learned, the good, bad and ugly, what you get is a lifetime of knowledge on how to live your life.

I am so glad to be where I am in my life right now.  I am starting to realize that life is to be lived for today, with no regrets.  If I make all my decisions with that thought in mind, how can I go wrong?  That doesn't mean that I'm not going to make mistakes or wrong decisions.  It means that I have to live each day with conviction, knowing that tomorrow I will either look back with satisfaction (knowing I have done my best) or thinking that, "tomorrow, I know what I need to do to make it better."  It looks to me like a win-win situation.  That's pretty cool.

So many people look at aging as some kind of disease or condition.  It's not.  It's a blessing.  It gives us the opportunity to have a better life tomorrow, based on today.  Age brings wisdom, and wisdom brings peace.  What could be better?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Worrying/Wondering About The Kidlet

This might be a long one.  But something has been weighing on my mind, and I don't know what to do about it.  I guess as a mother I will always worry about my daughter.  I think it is hardwired into us women by default the moment we know that we are going to have a child.

But does worry ever go away?  I'm not talking necessarily about worrying for her safety or if she's going to get her feelings hurt at school, although I do worry about that, too.  I'm talking about worrying about her having a good, fulfilling, character-driven life.  I know that I did some stupid, inane things as I was growing up, some of which I'm not too proud.  But how did I become the person I am, with what I think is a good moral character?  Was it the fact that I always felt like I didn't measure up to what my mother expected, and so I am over compensating now for what I thought was a not-good-enough childhood? Is it the fact that I was raised in a church, even though at the time I had no interest and hated going?  Is it the fact that I had a sister with whom I shared a room for 18 years?  What was it?

I worry about my daughter because I see her doing some of the same things I did when I was her age, and maybe I think that if I can just keep her on the straight-and-narrow that she won't have to go through all the troubles I did.

I don't know.  I just want her to have a good life.  What that probably means is that I have to teach her what I know, show her how to get back up when she falls, and love her unconditionally.  But boy, is that hard.

I'm sure my mother would just laugh and shake her head if she read this, but if I could just make my daughter listen to me and I could keep her from getting herself into trouble with things that should be so easy, like doing her homework, her life would be so much easier!!!!  Ugh!!

I am a worrywart by design.  I come by it honestly, so please don't hold it against me.  Maybe I'm just having "one of those days."  I mean, she is only ten, after all.

Thanks for stopping by to let me vent.  I know things will work out for the best in the end.  They always do.  And I know that the only way to know how good you have it is to go through the muck sometimes.  Maybe this is the muck. :)

About Me

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I am blessed to have the family and friends that I do. I falter daily, but I work on improving myself and hopefully that translates into more meaningful relationships with those I love.